It was a beautiful day in south-east Scotland. The birds were attempting to tweet despite having litter stuck in their throats, the sun was shining.... behind the permanent layer of clouds, and Shiina was enjoying sleeping in a bit later than usual.
But THEN---! A wild garbage truck appeared!
I can normally sleep through the low-tone noise of motors and cluttering. Doesn't bother me. That or I wake up for a few seconds.
However... today's garbage truck was REALLY goddamn loud. It made the kind of noise you'd think a rusty old bike would make as you dragged it out of a shit-coloured river. It made the kind of noise you'd think dragging chalk down a board would make. It made the kind of noise you'd think the driver of the fucking truck would make as you crushed him with the fucking mechanical lifting arm on the back.
This... utter bullshit... hit me at like 8.30am. I'm just silently dreaming about eating cherry cake, smiling creepily, then this giant fucking grinding noise comes in through the window, turning my silence into a roar of great pain and anger.
Annnd now I can't get back to sleep.
Fuck you, reality.
Tuesday 14 July 2015
Saturday 4 July 2015
Birds are Scary
Roughly two weeks ago I was half way across the country attending an interview for college. Aside from the shockingly bad train times to go to and from the interview, I also found myself in possibly the most grey town in the UK.
So, with a six hour wait until my train home, I found myself wandering around the town doing next to nothing, until finally I found myself sitting in the train station roughly two hours before my train was scheduled to arrive.
Two hours of sitting alone in an empty train station, staring at the grey walls, sitting on the grey bench. I foresaw myself spending the whole time counting the stains on the wall.
But then...! A bird came in through the half-shattered overhead window. I typically ignore birds, not much to look at and I find nature about as dull as watching paint dry, so I paid it no mind. It quickly wandered off down the station, out of sight.
An hour passed, and this time a seagull came in, scratched about for a few moments, then flew off down the station when a train came by.
Half an hour later some football casuals wandered in and sat nearby, so I instinctively moved further down the station, to the only other bench on the side of the tracks.
Now, I shit you not, but the remaining half hour was the most horrifying time of my life. Behind a pretty wide pillar, just in front of the seat, I saw the seagull from earlier scratching about and pecking at something. I averted my eyes for a moment, thinking it was just picking about at some old food wrapper, but quickly found myself looking back at it like "wait, what the fuck?"
I saw cannibalism. I saw pure horror. I saw a seagull eating a fucking bird whilst it's still half alive.
To describe it without being too graphical; The seagull would grasp the bird with it's beak. The bird would writhe about in pain for a few seconds before the seagull lost it's grip due to the bird resisting. This continued for at least 15 minutes, when the bird at last was unable to move enough to shake the seagull off. It was still alive though... twitching every so often, writhing about slightly. And the seagull just sort of... dug in. Ripping bits off it, dragging it about a bit, ripping more off. This went on for 10 minutes, until the seagull flew off, leaving its half-dead victim to a slow and painful death as the local insects scrambled for the remainder.
Now, don't get me wrong, I wasn't sitting on the end of my seat like "OMG this is awesome, I'm soooo edgy." To be frank, I was horrified. But... but... it was one of those things... one of those things you know is creepy or disgusting, but you just can't keep yourself from looking at it. Perhaps it was out of fear, or maybe it was some sick, inborn desire to watch something die. Who knows. All I know is I watched this, "against my will," and I now have it burned into my head in pristine quality.
So yeah, another one for that "repressed memories" section of my head. That place is getting pretty big these days...
So, with a six hour wait until my train home, I found myself wandering around the town doing next to nothing, until finally I found myself sitting in the train station roughly two hours before my train was scheduled to arrive.
Two hours of sitting alone in an empty train station, staring at the grey walls, sitting on the grey bench. I foresaw myself spending the whole time counting the stains on the wall.
But then...! A bird came in through the half-shattered overhead window. I typically ignore birds, not much to look at and I find nature about as dull as watching paint dry, so I paid it no mind. It quickly wandered off down the station, out of sight.
An hour passed, and this time a seagull came in, scratched about for a few moments, then flew off down the station when a train came by.
Half an hour later some football casuals wandered in and sat nearby, so I instinctively moved further down the station, to the only other bench on the side of the tracks.
Now, I shit you not, but the remaining half hour was the most horrifying time of my life. Behind a pretty wide pillar, just in front of the seat, I saw the seagull from earlier scratching about and pecking at something. I averted my eyes for a moment, thinking it was just picking about at some old food wrapper, but quickly found myself looking back at it like "wait, what the fuck?"
I saw cannibalism. I saw pure horror. I saw a seagull eating a fucking bird whilst it's still half alive.
To describe it without being too graphical; The seagull would grasp the bird with it's beak. The bird would writhe about in pain for a few seconds before the seagull lost it's grip due to the bird resisting. This continued for at least 15 minutes, when the bird at last was unable to move enough to shake the seagull off. It was still alive though... twitching every so often, writhing about slightly. And the seagull just sort of... dug in. Ripping bits off it, dragging it about a bit, ripping more off. This went on for 10 minutes, until the seagull flew off, leaving its half-dead victim to a slow and painful death as the local insects scrambled for the remainder.
Now, don't get me wrong, I wasn't sitting on the end of my seat like "OMG this is awesome, I'm soooo edgy." To be frank, I was horrified. But... but... it was one of those things... one of those things you know is creepy or disgusting, but you just can't keep yourself from looking at it. Perhaps it was out of fear, or maybe it was some sick, inborn desire to watch something die. Who knows. All I know is I watched this, "against my will," and I now have it burned into my head in pristine quality.
So yeah, another one for that "repressed memories" section of my head. That place is getting pretty big these days...
Wednesday 28 January 2015
I Give Up
So,
Over the months since I last posted here, I have been trying to.... reintegrate.. with society and what people call "normal." Naturally, I had anticipated problems before I started, me being me and all. Even more so as this, as with every other important decision I've made in my life to date, was decided without me even thinking it through, just doing.
But, as of today, I give up. I found that the only way for me to "become normal" was to put on a thick facade and convince myself the facade is the real me. Naturally, the facade contrasted my actual silent and emotionless self, to the point that thinking about it makes me cringe.
In my 6 months, roughly, as a social sheep, I experienced everything from being "stood up" by friends to being left out by close friends, even as far as mocked by friends (thanks to the facade, I guess). I mean, I already knew such things were traits of this bullshit, but I sort of forgot that in the process.... too busy trying to accommodate what others expected of me.
Being as disconnected as I am, it took me months to become aware that I was becoming like the very people I used to look at and think "fuckin' fruitcake, why can't you see you're just a doormat."
The only thing on my mind now? "Fuck That." I'd rather go back to silently floating into the room and nobody taking notice than having people look at me with contempt when I enter. So, with that, back to being a social recluse! Good fucking riddance.
Over the months since I last posted here, I have been trying to.... reintegrate.. with society and what people call "normal." Naturally, I had anticipated problems before I started, me being me and all. Even more so as this, as with every other important decision I've made in my life to date, was decided without me even thinking it through, just doing.
But, as of today, I give up. I found that the only way for me to "become normal" was to put on a thick facade and convince myself the facade is the real me. Naturally, the facade contrasted my actual silent and emotionless self, to the point that thinking about it makes me cringe.
In my 6 months, roughly, as a social sheep, I experienced everything from being "stood up" by friends to being left out by close friends, even as far as mocked by friends (thanks to the facade, I guess). I mean, I already knew such things were traits of this bullshit, but I sort of forgot that in the process.... too busy trying to accommodate what others expected of me.
Being as disconnected as I am, it took me months to become aware that I was becoming like the very people I used to look at and think "fuckin' fruitcake, why can't you see you're just a doormat."
The only thing on my mind now? "Fuck That." I'd rather go back to silently floating into the room and nobody taking notice than having people look at me with contempt when I enter. So, with that, back to being a social recluse! Good fucking riddance.
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