So,
Over the months since I last posted here, I have been trying to.... reintegrate.. with society and what people call "normal." Naturally, I had anticipated problems before I started, me being me and all. Even more so as this, as with every other important decision I've made in my life to date, was decided without me even thinking it through, just doing.
But, as of today, I give up. I found that the only way for me to "become normal" was to put on a thick facade and convince myself the facade is the real me. Naturally, the facade contrasted my actual silent and emotionless self, to the point that thinking about it makes me cringe.
In my 6 months, roughly, as a social sheep, I experienced everything from being "stood up" by friends to being left out by close friends, even as far as mocked by friends (thanks to the facade, I guess). I mean, I already knew such things were traits of this bullshit, but I sort of forgot that in the process.... too busy trying to accommodate what others expected of me.
Being as disconnected as I am, it took me months to become aware that I was becoming like the very people I used to look at and think "fuckin' fruitcake, why can't you see you're just a doormat."
The only thing on my mind now? "Fuck That." I'd rather go back to silently floating into the room and nobody taking notice than having people look at me with contempt when I enter. So, with that, back to being a social recluse! Good fucking riddance.
