Public Transport. It is, put simply, a gigantic "fuck you" from Satan himself.
I get to and from work for 5 days a week by public transport. Every day, I spend 4 FUCKING HOURS total on some goddamn bus, crossing to the other side of a real shithole of a city. Ah, but don't get me wrong, I like sitting motionlessly for hours on end... after all, I do it all the time at home on the computer. Buuutttt.... lemmie tell you EXACTLY why public transport is a cancerous waste of both Government resources and money that comes pretty much from YOUR pocket... *takes huge breath*.
Lets start with the whole time schedule idea. Alright, good idea to tell people when the bus is gonna arrive, gotta admit... nothing worse than standing at a bus stop cluelessly waiting on a bus that might not even arrive. So, they've got a time schedule.... some shitty-ass monitor that tells you how long til this bus actually arrives.. fair 'nough, ya? But, oh hey, the drivers just take their fucking time, or drive like a delinquent who just got his license who's high on acid. The buses rarely arrive on time, they're either like 10 minutes late or 5 minutes early than their schedule. Oh, and the drivers KNOW they're not on schedule, oh yeah, it'd take a complete fucktard to employ someone who can't even pay attention to a monitor like 75 centimeters from their face that literally tells them when they've to arrive by.
I'll give you an example. Lets say you're meeting a friend or your next murder victim at a certain time. You sat planning the whole trip the night before to perfection, and made sure that even if you missed the first trip, you'd still make it.
So, you're standing there in some shabby bus shelter a drunk guy pissed in the night before, right? Rain is coming down in buckets, wind's blowing in under the pointless 1-inch gap between the bottom of the shelter and the ground. Bus pulls along, 5 minutes late albeit. By now you've got shivers and shit. You walk out towards the bay the bus is supposed to pull into and put your hand out to hail it, getting soaked and shit by rain. And then, guess what? The bus just fucking drives past. Yeah, that's right, it just fucking drives past. You look in the window as it passes and see that it's full. Fair enough, even though it'd be nice if he pulled over and told you.
So, you are soaked, freezing, slightly annoyed and potentially late. Never fear, another bus comes in 15 minutes. Enough time to go to a shop and grab some crisps or something, after all, it's only a 5 minute walk there, and 5 minutes back. So, you go along, get your shit, and go back. As you approach the bus stop, you see the back of a bus at the bottom of the road, about to turn off the street out of view. You think "ah, no worries, that isn't mine. Mine isn't for another 5 minutes."
You walk into the shelter and look at the fousty LCD display that says how long it is til the bus arrives. The bus you were aiming for isn't listed, there's one in like 20 minutes, but not the one you were waiting on. Congrats. The bus you were waiting on came 5 minutes early. Yup. And now you get to stand in the shelter, soaked to the bone, freezing, drowning in a sea of bloodlust and rage, and eat your crisps. Ah, but this time, not for only 15 minutes, but 20. Fucking. Minutes. Brilliant, eh? Fuckin' brilliant.
To continue my bitching on the topic of public transport, lets have a look at the motherfuckers who drive the bus, eh?
40 years old. Fat. Bald. Smells of cheese doritos. Snarls at you when you tell him where you're going. Drives really fucking slow. Talks to random-ass old crone grandmas as they get onboard. Wears a really fucking gay tie.
Fair enough they hire the most experienced drivers, but hiring people who greet their passengers like "Where YOU going?" and who intentionally fuck with the people waiting on the bus is over the top. I can't even imagine their interpersonal conversations in their staff rooms at lunch... probably something along the lines of:: "oh, I got this emo looking teen on my bus today. Complete arse couldn't even talk right." "Oh, her? Yeah, I've had her a few times too. Her confidence is about as low as my skills in dealing with the public." *group laughs in the way you'd imagine a group of middle aged overweight builders would laugh*
Aside from the service itself, lets look at another topic. The passengers.
I work in a hospital, right? Place is huge, has everything from a overpriced WHSmith to a Medical School department for the local university. I have to spend two hours in the morning, and after work, on a bus to get there. Now, because it's during standard work hours, you can imagine it'd be pretty busy, eh?
Yeah, that's fine and dandy, a busy bus isn't too big an issue. But when it's 19 year old, stuck-up brats who talk like they're royalty, and there are 8 of them sitting behind you at the back of the bus, it's hell on earth. Y'know those types... the kids who's "daddy will fire your daddy" and who say "oh my god" at the start of every goddamn sentence. 2 hours of that coming from right behind you, with some "Oh. My. God. My dad totally never gets me anything good. He got me a white iPad when I wanted a silver one!" and "oh, we're going on holiday to my family villa in Turkey this year" it makes you feel like tearing their intestines out and using them to hang them.
So yeah, four hours of listening to these kids who probably bought their way into Medical School, for five days a week... so that's like 20 hours of it.. when I got home today I headbutted the wall repeatedly until I could see red cubes floating about and stuff.
If it isn't the brats, it's the rats. Guy's dressed in chalk-white tracksuits, two of them, stink of cigarettes and shit. The kind you can hear "talking" from the complete other end of the bus. "Haw haw, I fucked your mum!" "Ye, and I fucked your sister." "Fuck you, I'll wreck you mate!" 2 hours of that is enough to drive you insane, no jest. Their conversations consist mostly of claiming to have.... integrated with each other's relatives and talking shit about the "friends" they push dope with.
There are many other things I could cover, but, well, I'll probably click the publish button on this and find out I've been disconnected from the internet, losing everything I typed... happens too goddamn often..
P.S. Actually did happen first time I tried to submit it. I no longer have a functioning iPod....
