Alarm Clock

Alright, I'll admit this one was something I decided on in the heat of the moment, and I haven't a goddamn idea why.
Here goes anyway.

Alarm clocks. Those pieces of metaphorical shit that make overwhelming amounts of noise and shit all over your dreams.
I have one myself, although it barely works due to frequently getting fly-kicked across the room.

My alarm clock is special. It's like any other alarm clock but has a mechanical bird on top of it. And as a plus, it makes really fucking weird noises when the alarm sounds... think it's supposed to be a bird chirping, but it sounds more like a squirrel in
labor being blended from the feet up in a smoothie machine.

So, like, I've got this thing sitting beside my bed.... like 50cm from where my head is, okay? So, at 7am every day, I receive a
"fuck you" from the almighty, in the form of a really fucking loud demented-sounding noise and some rotor noises in the background as it pitiably attempts to move around. Wanna know what really tops it off? The fucking button to turn it off is located at the impossible-to-reach back of the thing, and is a REAL bitch to switch. It takes roughly 15 seconds full effort to flip it, and by that point you've picked it up and launched it across the room.

So, the conclusion: I fucking hate alarm clocks, and they put me in a bad mood all day long. Well.. it's not like I'm ever in a good mood anyway, but you get my point.

Public Transport

Public Transport. It is, put simply, a gigantic "fuck you" from Satan himself.

I get to and from work for 5 days a week by public transport. Every day, I spend 4 FUCKING HOURS total on some goddamn bus, crossing to the other side of a real shithole of a city. Ah, but don't get me wrong, I like sitting motionlessly for hours on end... after all, I do it all the time at home on the computer. Buuutttt.... lemmie tell you EXACTLY why public transport is a cancerous waste of both Government resources and money that comes pretty much from YOUR pocket... *takes huge breath*.

Lets start with the whole time schedule idea. Alright, good idea to tell people when the bus is gonna arrive, gotta admit... nothing worse than standing at a bus stop cluelessly waiting on a bus that might not even arrive. So, they've got a time schedule.... some shitty-ass monitor that tells you how long til this bus actually arrives.. fair 'nough, ya? But, oh hey, the drivers just take their fucking time, or drive like a  delinquent who just got his license who's high on acid. The buses rarely arrive on time, they're either like 10 minutes late or 5 minutes early than their schedule. Oh, and the drivers KNOW they're not on schedule, oh yeah, it'd take a complete fucktard to employ someone who can't even pay attention to a monitor like 75 centimeters from their face that literally tells them when they've to arrive by.

I'll give you an example. Lets say you're meeting a friend or your next murder victim at a certain time. You sat planning the whole trip the night before to perfection, and made sure that even if you missed the first trip, you'd still make it.

So, you're standing there in some shabby bus shelter a drunk guy pissed in the night before, right? Rain is coming down in buckets, wind's blowing in under the pointless 1-inch gap between the bottom of the shelter and the ground. Bus pulls along, 5 minutes late albeit. By now you've got shivers and shit. You walk out towards the bay the bus is supposed to pull into and put your hand out to hail it, getting soaked and shit by rain. And then, guess what? The bus just fucking drives past. Yeah, that's right, it just fucking drives past. You look in the window as it passes and see that it's full. Fair enough, even though it'd be nice if he pulled over and told you.

So, you are soaked, freezing, slightly annoyed and potentially late. Never fear, another bus comes in 15 minutes. Enough time to go to a shop and grab some crisps or something, after all, it's only a 5 minute walk there, and 5 minutes back. So, you go along, get your shit, and go back. As you approach the bus stop, you see the back of a bus at the bottom of the road, about to turn off the street out of view. You think "ah, no worries, that isn't mine. Mine isn't for another 5 minutes."

You walk into the shelter and look at the fousty LCD display that says how long it is til the bus arrives. The bus you were aiming for isn't listed, there's one in like 20 minutes, but not the one you were waiting on. Congrats. The bus you were waiting on came 5 minutes early. Yup. And now you get to stand in the shelter, soaked to the bone, freezing, drowning in a sea of bloodlust and rage, and eat your crisps. Ah, but this time, not for only 15 minutes, but 20. Fucking. Minutes. Brilliant, eh? Fuckin' brilliant.


To continue my bitching on the topic of public transport, lets have a look at the motherfuckers who drive the bus, eh?

40 years old. Fat. Bald. Smells of cheese doritos. Snarls at you when you tell him where you're going. Drives really fucking slow. Talks to random-ass old crone grandmas as they get onboard. Wears a really fucking gay tie.

Fair enough they hire the most experienced drivers, but hiring people who greet their passengers like "Where YOU going?" and who intentionally fuck with the people waiting on the bus is over the top. I can't even imagine their interpersonal conversations in their staff rooms at lunch... probably something along the lines of:: "oh, I got this emo looking teen on my bus today. Complete arse couldn't even talk right." "Oh, her? Yeah, I've had her a few times too. Her confidence is about as low as my skills in dealing with the public." *group laughs in the way you'd imagine a group of middle aged overweight builders would laugh*

Aside from the service itself, lets look at another topic. The passengers.

I work in a hospital, right? Place is huge, has everything from a overpriced WHSmith to a Medical School department for the local university. I have to spend two hours in the morning, and after work, on a bus to get there. Now, because it's during standard work hours, you can imagine it'd be pretty busy, eh?

Yeah, that's fine and dandy, a busy bus isn't too big an issue. But when it's 19 year old, stuck-up brats who talk like they're royalty, and there are 8 of them sitting behind you at the back of the bus, it's hell on earth. Y'know those types... the kids who's "daddy will fire your daddy" and who say "oh my god" at the start of every goddamn sentence. 2 hours of that coming from right behind you, with some "Oh. My. God. My dad totally never gets me anything good. He got me a white iPad when I wanted a silver one!" and "oh, we're going on holiday to my family villa in Turkey this year" it makes you feel like tearing their intestines out and using them to hang them.

So yeah, four hours of listening to these kids who probably bought their way into Medical School, for five days a week... so that's like 20 hours of it.. when I got home today I headbutted the wall repeatedly until I could see red cubes floating about and stuff.

 If it isn't the brats, it's the rats. Guy's dressed in chalk-white tracksuits, two of them, stink of cigarettes and shit. The kind you can hear "talking" from the complete other end of the bus. "Haw haw, I fucked your mum!" "Ye, and I fucked your sister." "Fuck you, I'll wreck you mate!"  2 hours of that is enough to drive you insane, no jest. Their conversations consist mostly of claiming to have.... integrated with each other's relatives and talking shit about the "friends" they push dope with.


There are many other things I could cover, but, well, I'll probably click the publish button on this and find out I've been disconnected from the internet, losing everything I typed... happens too goddamn often..

P.S. Actually did happen first time I tried to submit it. I no longer have a functioning iPod....

Violent Video Games

"Games like that are why murderers exist!"

Alright, alright... what the actual fuck? This, among other things, is the stupidest concept I've ever heard, and I spent 6 years of my life hanging about with some dimwitted boys from my local neighborhood, who spent all their time dreaming of taking over towns, assassinating world leaders and creating conspiracies without any proper knowledge of society and politics.

The games they target with that phrase, and other far-thrown... accusations I guess, are games such as Grand Theft Auto, Saints Row and any other game which features any sort of killing (aka every goddamn console game pretty much). So, in short, those who utilize that phrase are saying video games in a whole are the reason murderers and serial killers exist.

Here's a little bit of history for you. The Dark Ages... guess you could call it an era... it was about 1000AD. Back then, war was everyday talk. Wars were everywhere, non-stop. If one ended, another started. Hell, bandits and any other human trash that lingered after dark would rape, kill and loot any motherfucker they could, either for fun or for a living. Were there any video games? Was your average farmer, or high-class noble playing, what, "Caveman Rampage" or something? Nup, a fucking arched roof was as high-tech as it got, nevermind a computer game.

And when the 1500's came around, when they had cannons, ships, arched roofs, guns of some sort and that Leonardo Da Vinci guy kicking, there was still war, murder, raping, looting, pillaging...  and yet, no videogames. None, I don't even think they had chess by that point, nevermind your typical first-person shooter, or even Space Invaders.

And now, when humanity has pretty much got it's shit together. When we've even got an international aid and peace organisation, the United Nations, which clearly dictates in it's name that it's all for peace and the alike... people are accusing videogames as the cause of psychopaths, murderers, rapist, and whatever else...  well excuussseee meeee. Death rates are down drastically, there is nowhere near as many wars as there was. Whole villages aren't getting burned to the ground, people aren't going to battle with their neighboring villages over a bloody pig.....  and yet, people blame videogames with violence for the, albeit still existing, murders and the related.

And if what they say is true, violent videogames brew violence in life, then does that mean playing Farmville makes me a farmer? Or Surgeon Simulator makes me a doctor (albeit a really bad one who uses a hammer to remove ribs)? Or playing Tropico makes me the president of some island off the coast of central America? I should think not.

To put it simply, parents don't want kids playing violent videogames so they spend more time in the boring presence of said parents, giving them more control over their kids.

That's the end of my rant. ^.^

Youth is a Lie

Growing up. Most of you reading would associate that phrase with future dreams, childhood and teenage life. And all of THOSE associations you make with "growing up" can be further associated to things like friendship, youth and any other things along those lines.

For me, however, the phrase "growing up" is one that sends chills up my spine and makes my skin crawl.

Youth is nothing but a lie created for those who want to blind themselves with false friendships, alcohol, partying/clubbing, all while looking down on those who don't participate in said activities. You could almost says it's like a sales pitch for a metaphorical train to the depths of hell, with a heavy price on return tickets.

Once a member of the flock of sheep who willingly strut towards a hell harder to escape than the friendzone, you almost instantly sign your name up for years of betrayal, manipulation, makeshift relationships, being used and becoming a doormat for others to attempt to reach the false happiness at the end of the tunnel.

You may argue at this point, stating that i'm deluded and have an ecstatically morphed view of the world. Although saying that would be partially true, it is also partially false. You too have a morphed view on the world, whether small or large, it too affects your opinion on matters, making me seem like more of a pitiable loner than I really am. This is, assuming, that opinion is coming from the point of view of someone who is living out, or has lived out, their youth in such a way.

If the previous paragraph is, in fact, what you think of this ramble, please ask yourself the following:

How many friends do you have?
How many of said friends do you fully trust?
Have you had a relationship/friendship that has lasted longer than 6 months?
If no, how long did it take for the receiver of the relationship to shift to someone else?
How many disputes have you had in the past 3 months?

Hopefully, by answering the previous questions, I've opened your eyes a little, revealing some of our disgustingly cruel reality to you.

Youth is nothing but a lie, forged by whorish leeches who require a flock, resources, to reach their own pinnacle. And because those who are lured in are nothing but resources, they are treated in that way.... used and discarded upon requirement, much like how you throw a bottle into a bin, or on the street if you're like that, upon finishing it's contents, and you don't look back.

My experience of youth, which is currently ongoing, is one that is, in itself, also a system created by parasitic abominations who only care about themselves. However, I will not go over the details here, it will be covered in a later date.... possibly under the title "I'm living in a conspiracy" if I don't forget by then...

I shall conclude my rant here for the sake of any reader who is either finding it utterly hilarious that someone with this opinion actually exists, or if said reader is cringing in boredom.


EDIT 24/05/2020 - I decided to read through these older posts for nostalgia's sake. This made me cringe. I think I wrote this after watching SNAFU, might explain the edge.