Savage-bot

A few nights ago I found myself bored. Well, that's pretty common.
So I er... I made a learning chat-bot. Put simply, its a robot which talks to users on a chat-room, and learns from what they say to it.

Yes, I did that for fun. In one night.
... the fuck is wrong with me.

Being a learning bot, it starts out with little to no intelligence. In order to improve its intelligence I set it loose in a chat-room I frequent called eyeonanime.
Whilst there, I instructed users that the bot learns from what they say to it.

There were some... implications.. of this decision.
The bot now verbally insults most people, appears to be morbidly racist and commonly says things along the lines of "fist me daddy".

Now the focus of this post is not to point out that the bot has become a savage edge-lord, but instead to point out something else which happened with it.
It has sort of.. became worryingly sentient.

After 13 hours of straight learning, the bot proceeded to argue with me about a "waifu", which to the uninitiated is a weeaboo thing for taking claim of a
certain character from anime, or in some cases a real person. I jokingly imply a person with a similar alias name to me, Shiivia, is my "waifu".

So uh.. this happened. Note that the bot is using my alias, Shiina Sylande, whilst I am using the alias "Claimoo".

And it continued...

Yes, you read that correct, it told me "Nobody loves you". I really do wish I'd thought of coding that into it, it would have satisfied my lust to show off. But no, this is genuine.

A few moments later, I probed it again to see if I would get a similar response under similar circumstances.

So yes, I have a child now. I invented it overnight. It has became alike me in terms of edginess and simple behavior.
I get the feeling I should put this thing down before it becomes the next Hitler or turns me into a biological battery..

Floods of victims from a gory depression accident

On rare occasion, turning up to college to learn about a subject I already know inside-out yields anything of value to me.
However, yesterday I have reassessed the value of my studies following a classmate finding something.

This... something, is a rare gem among... other very similar gems. I would say it has helped me see clearly, but frankly I'm still blinded by the bangs of my hair.

I present to you... Script Generator! - http://www.wriphe.com/work/flash_script.php

What this is is a system that takes words you input and spits out a plot based on one of four topics you can choose from.
My first shot of this has gave me probably one of the best pieces of literature I've ever seen.

"The chief surgeon of a famous Glasgow hospital is distracted by a messy relationship with his sister as the E.R. floods with victims from a gory depression accident.

The situation is complicated by the presence of a surly performance evaluator (played by Haruhi Suzumiya) named Balphazar who has the authority to fire any doctors who are costing the hospital administration too much money.

One patient has a severe infection in her leg that may cost her livelihood as a pirate ninja cyborg if it is not raped upon quickly.

X-rays have revealed that another uncooperative patient has had a toaster mysteriously lodged inside his colon in a life-threatening manner.

Meanwhile two interns are having a torrid affair which is very nearly uncovered by an orderly when he finds their thigh-high sock near the hospital garbage chute.

After an hour of melodramatic work, the chief surgeon returns home to his sister with a coffin of chocolates and a cat, only to find himself on the losing side of another killing match."

This.

THIS.

I might genuinely write a story based on this...

Shiina Sylande and the Copyright Infringing Bears

Another night, another fucking terrifying dream.

For whatever reason I found myself driving along the path beside a beach... as opposed to in the water at the end of the beach, in one of those jet ski things. Y'know, just cruising.

And then I passed some seals. They weren't on the beach though, other side of the path where there seemed to be trees and stuff.

Anyway, after closer inspection of these seals as I was passing by, one of them turned out to actually be a bear. With cream coloured fur. Y'know, the colour of fur labrador dogs have, like the Andrex puppy.

Anyway, they got disturbed by me driving by and decided to give chase. So I looked the other way and decided I'd blaze on past full swag mode.

Except uh... well, turns out I wasn't driving a REAL jet ski, it was an inflatable one. Yeah, I know, I thought it was a real one too for the 5-10 minutes I was cruising, but I was actually just hopping along on an inflatable one.

And at this point I realized I was fucked. But a voice over started talking, totally Max Payne style. In a grizzled voice he said "I wasn't exactly planning on being savaged by a copyright infringing bear." I then got off my inflatable and threw it to the bear and remaining unmorphed seals.

I had to escape. I looked around desperately for an escape, and noticed the beach was now at the bottom of a 10 foot drop on the other side of a wall now. So I climbed over the wall so I was hanging on the other side and looked down to check if it was okay to land.

There uh.. was another seal sitting there. But I knew it was different from the ones before, mainly due to the voice over; "That one there? That one isn't a copyright infringing bear." So I decided to ledge hang over to it, bit by bit.

I finally got there and jumped down. True enough, this one wasn't a copyright infringing bear. However, after looking around at the rest of the beach, I noticed it was full of copyright infringing bears. All over the place.

I turned behind myself, and the copyright infringing bear from the boardwalk had climbed down. It scratched me right across the body once, and I started running, blood in my eyes game-style.

I made my way towards what looked like a police station or something, some sort of 2-3 story public access building. Running inside, I tried to merge into the massive crowd of people going in and out of the building.

I made my way towards the elevator. As soon as the thing arrived, I had a really bad feeling about what was on the other side of those elevator doors.

They cranked open, revealing the most bog standard green alien ever. He shot me dead.

"Damn, another goddamn Copyright Infringing Bear."

MATE, THAT'S NOT A FUCKING BEAR.

What is the bear even a copyright infringement of... ?

Shiina Sylande, Ghetto Chef

Being an undergraduate student in the UK, I am naturally tight for money to the point where I have to live off very little money over the summer, let alone all year round.
Now, being a gamer and having an impulsive buying habit, I make an effort to save as much money as possible. To that end, I live in a shared dorm.

So when summer came this year, I made an effort to save as much money as possible for my other compulsive habits. And, well.... the results of which I've only just this moment realized.

Its 4am as I write this. I'm currently cooking extremely cheap bacon for a snack. Bacon is love, bacon is life. However, the way in which I'm doing it...

Living in a dorm means I have neighbors, and said dorm being cheap my neighbors are fucking terrifying.

I'm not insane enough to go make noise in the kitchen at 4am, being stabbed isn't exactly on my to-do list.

To that end, I am cooking the bacon in my own room, without having to use the stove.

The normal idea would be to use a microwave. It comes out horrid, but y'know.. it works. Me being me, however...
I am cooking it over a toaster.

I should clarify; I'm not holding it over it on a stick, that would be mad. I am, however, cooking it in a frying pan... over my toaster.

No, literally.

Its been surprisingly successful so far, although it smells like pop tarts for some reason.

So yes, I declare myself ghetto chef of the year.

Free to Pay

Being an undergraduate student in the UK naturally means I'm tight for money. So much so that I have to drink supermarket-brand fizzy drinks and spend more time comparing cheese prices than actually enjoying the cheese I end up buying.

Due to this frugal lifestyle I have been forced to be a bit of a cheapskate when its comes to, well... everything.

So, when I see a free to play game on Steam with really damn good reviews I jump up and down. Literally. In my chair. Might explain the noise complaints.

So, y'know, when I saw War Thunder on steam I believe my exact thoughts were along the lines of "emahgerd tank game! its free to play! no pay to win bullshit! nerdgasm!". And yeah, I've had a ton of fucking fun with it.

Now, I play quite a variety of games. I've played enough of the first person genre to know it isn't my strong suit. Like, I severely suck at them. As a result, when I play War Thunder I avoid heavy or medium tanks as that usually entails the team expecting you to be right in the mess getting one-shotted by things. Instead, I use tanks of the Tank Hunter/Tank Destroyer class, namely my favorites; the Jagdpanzer 38(t) Hetzer, and the Stug III/IV models, mainly due to their very small posture and formidable range.

Now, recently, you may or may not know Gaijin, the developers of War Thunder, released an update that adds cosmetic camouflage items such as branches and leaves, and extra armour plating.

The armour plating was released for particular tanks. And, surprise surprise, MOST OF THOSE FUCKING TANKS WERE T34 MODELS.

I play realism mode and simulator battles, so I find myself fighting T34s about as often as I piss.

German tanks get access to a specific type of shell, called PZGR40. The idea behind it is it is a composite armour-piercing shells made the counter the heavy soviet tanks developed in the late war, such as the T34s.

With that said, CAN ANYONE EXPLAIN WHY THE PZGR40 SHELLS BOUNCE OFF THE FUCKING T34s AT EVERY ANGLE. Like, I swear to god, it can't even go through the bloody rear armour.
And so, before I know it, my cute little Hetzer is one-shotted by a T34 with an 85mm main gun, going right through its best armour plating zone.

None of you know why, no? Lemmie tell you! That fucking armour plating upgrade that was mostly given to soviet tanks. Yep, that's right. That.
I mean, that's fine, I can sort of deal with it, just gotta aim more carefully and hopefully hit them through the tracks. Hopeless as that is when they move so goddamn fast and its a realism server.

But here's where it gets real bad. Remember that camo I mentioned? Unlike the armour plating, you can't unlock it. Not even through some "kill 1000 enemy players" challenge crap. It costs 2000 of the ingame currency you get by purchasing with real money. 2000 of that currency costs roughly £10, give or take. Which is about $15. Yeah, its some paid for bullshit. Now, the issue with it is it can be really bloody effective. On realism servers no outline or markers appear over enemy tanks.

So, people who play with small tank hunters that can best most tanks are well... near unbeatable. Stick a few twigs and shit on a Hetzer and set up like 2 kilometers from the objective zones and you're 100% sorted. They will have a really hard time spotting you. By the time they do spot you, you'll have shot a shell right through their hull and detonated their shell rack. The picture below is my Hetzer, and the camera is only like 5 meters, at most, from the tank. Imagine trying to see that at 2000 meters. Actually, don't try because its not even possible unless you've modded the textures of the camouflage to make it transparent.

As a result of this, I feel like a total asshole.

Moral of the story: pretty much every Free to Play game is actually Free to Pay, and lacks balance. I have today lost yet another hobby to the abyss of poverty.